i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
