the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
