He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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