Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
