pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
