when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
