she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
