Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
