I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
