I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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