My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
