A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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