cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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