You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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