break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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