Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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