I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In other news, I just burned my penis
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
