Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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