Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she pinky promised me she was 18
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
