Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
