i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
