can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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