hotel room ftw
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
