I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
