I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
