She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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