Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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