Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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