i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
