He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
