Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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