That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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