marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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