OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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