Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
