He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
