I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
