New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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