i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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