You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
