Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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