how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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