that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
