I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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