I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize