you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
