I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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