): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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