I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
