If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
