I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
