you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
