she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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