Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
