My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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