One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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