Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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