finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
