Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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