They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
