It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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