We won't sleep together?
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
