This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize