I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
