I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
