if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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