Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
