Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
