No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize