no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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