Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
