If that was your dad, he is hot
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
