did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
