she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
