her facebook's as public as her vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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