Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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