my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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