The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
