Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
